This is only one of many inputs on the controversial topic of corporal discipline of young children. It is NOT medical or legal advice, only an opinion:
If you wait 'til they're 6, it's too late!
NEVER HIT A CHILD OF ANY AGE ON THE FACE.Your TONE OF VOICE is your first line of discipline.
Do NOT use corporal punishment on a child under a year old.
A Child imitates what he learns, and although you may find it difficult, NEVER YELL, BELITTLE, OR DEGRADE A CHILD at any time.
If a toddler cannot yet speak, the only corporal punishment should not exceed ONE SMALL PAT using two fingers from your open hand to the back of the toddler's hand (that threw a baby bottle at the vase that is now lying in pieces on the living room floor, and ONLY IF YOU HAD PREVIOUSLY TOLD HIM NOT TO DO IT, AND HE ACKNOWLEDGED, BUT DID IT AGAIN ANYWAY. (This "acknowledgement" is usually a test of boundaries, to see YOUR repeated, consistent, reaction to the act, indicated by a RESPONSE from the child after the act, such as a laugh). The force of this pat should be a small fraction of the the force generated solely by moving your wrist, and no other part of your arm or body. Your tone of voice should be firm, and convey disapproval of the act. Your tone of voice showing disapproval should be the actual discipline, as TONE OF VOICE is what should ideally be used during adolescence. This should be followed by a "cool down" period, in which you CALMLY tell the child in a soft voice that this is a no-no. It is important to follow all discipline with REASSURANCE to the child, followed by a big hug, to further assure the child that he/she is still loved, and does not carry a guilt trip.
Giving a child a guilt trip is not discipline. It is control. Discipline is love for a child, and the child should feel unconditional love after the discipline, and love should be the motivating factor in an older child for doing what is right - NOT fear of a spanking.
When a child is young, he tests the boundaries, and needs to be TOLD when he's gone too far. This is part of the learning phase. aka, the TERRIBLE TWOs. Be patient.
In older children, follow this rule: the first spank on the bottom of a fully clothed child with the open palm of your hand is for discipline, one for really being bad, two pats for an outrageous act, and 3 pats for doing the worst thing possible. Anything more is YOUR ANGER! These "pats" should be done with only the motion from your elbow to the palm of your hand, not the full extension of your whole arm from your shoulder. Then follow through with reassurances, et, as you did when the child was younger.
What you do to this child is what this child will do to others, including interpersonal relationships. What he/she learns from you by the age of 5 will stay with him the rest of his/her life.
If you discipline a child for doing wrong, be sure to praise him for doing good!
Learn to use the TONE of your voice for discipline, not physical force. Listen to your child's daily problems, likes, dislikes, et., and help him set goals by talking with him daily about him. Remember: 50% of a conversation is listening! This allows a FAMILY to grow closer together in love and understanding of life and each others' individual needs, and prevents the all-to-often later trip to a therapist with the complaint "I can't do anything with this child."
IMPORTANT: Do NOT dump YOUR problems on your 5 year old. He/She is a child, not a confidant. This could be the start of Co-Dependency. Let him/her know what the world is about - they will soon have their own problems, and don't need yours. Let children STAY children.
These are only personal thoughts, not medical advice.
-LWP
The Florida Supreme Court (whatever "supreme" is suppose to mean to private family life) stated in a 19 page decision on 9/26/2002 against a Broward man, Willi Raford, that you can spank your kids, but if you leave welts, it can be construed as FELONY CHILD ABUSE.
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